A few weeks ago Cosmopolitan Magazine published an interesting article on Sex on the First Date, saying that 67% of men polled thought sex on the first date was fine.
Based on its survey, When it comes to why he may not call again Cosmo says:
“There is one variable, however, that almost never feeds into the equation: whether you “gave it up” too soon. It’s a misconception that is held by millions.”
Now, I’m as pretty open-minded as they come. I am free as bird, regardless of what other people think. I support the right for women to make their own rules, follow their own paths, and go with their own gut. If you feel it’s the right time to have sex, then cool. Do YOU. I don’t however want to perpetuate naivete. Just because you walk around following your own rules, doesn’t mean you should be ignorant to the fact that other people may follow different ones…
How does whether you gave it up too soon not feed into the equation? I absolutely believe it is a factor. Does that mean it should be, or you should obsess over giving it up either? No.
In my book, there will always be a reasonable possibility the reason a guy didn’t call back is because you gave it up on the first date. That is just one factor. There’s always more to consider.
The real question should be, if you sleep with a guy who is truly into you on the first date, would he care? We don’t care about the guy who loses interest after getting some, we want to get better at spotting them.
Match.com goes back to its 2012 Survey Singles in America. When it comes to sex on the first date – 41% of New York men (the highest of any city polled) think it’s very appropriate, compared to 31% in Dallas, etc, etc. Match.com goes on to say, “But less than 10% of men and 2% of women actually have sex upon meeting…”
Ideals of sex on the first date aren’t black and white and involve different factors. Who cares if men think it’s okay? You don’t need permission to do it up on the first date if that’s what you choose. You should however think about the whole picture if you’re not getting the desired outcome. Cosmo should’ve asked men how many long-term relationships they’ve had that resulted in sex on the first date? That would’ve been more helpful.
- If you feel it’s the right time, trust yourself. Don’t regret it, and don’t worry about who was okay with it. If he doesn’t call back, accept it and move on. But if a serious relationship is your goal and you find that dating doesn’t seem to last or isn’t working out for you longer than a few dates, I would consider taking a step back and see if changing the game up is in order.
- Forget this should I or shouldn’t I? Is it okay, is it not? What is he offering you? Where are his priorities when it comes to you? Find those out first, know what you’re looking for, and make the decision from there. Everything else will fall into place.
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